An Uphill Climb

My Monday morning bible study has been doing Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million.  Yesterday, she spoke about running up hill.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT a runner.  I used to though.  In high school and college when I lived at home I would run our neighborhood.  There is one street that is a long, slow uphill that lasts about half a mile.  I always saved that street for the end of the run because at the top I would walk and do my cool down for the short trip back home.  It was always at the end of my run.  I was tired, my legs burned and that hill seemed to kill me.  But at the top, I knew I could rest.  I'd put my hands on top of my head and take those deep breaths my body craved.  There was something immensely satisfying about accomplishing that run and the rest that came afterwards.

Priscilla went on to talk about a few other things, but my mind was stuck on the idea of that run in relation to my life.  No, I don't run anymore.  But there are many things in my life that feel like an uphill run.  The one I was stuck on yesterday was being a parent.

For the years when we struggled with Jason's attachment, I would think "Ah, once this is done, I can rest."  Jason's been attached for years now, but we're still heading uphill.

I though that once we got interventions set up at school that he'd sail along and we could rest, but we're still heading uphill.

Micah learned to talk a we're still heading uphill.

Hannah is learning things so fast, I feel like we have to run faster to keep up.  Still, it's uphill.

I realized that I needed to have a paradigm shift in my life and how I think of it.  There is no rest for me at the top of the hill.  This hill will keep going everyday and somedays I will run it better than others,  But no mater how hard or how fast I run, that top of the hill is not going to get any closer.  For every new trial I make it through, another waits for me.  Every stage a child moves out of, simply means they will enter another.  It just never ends.

So, how do I get a break?

I think this is where God is showing me that I really need to turn to him not just with my worries and wants, but for my rest as well.   HE is my rest, my strength, my shield.  I meed to stop grasping at anything and everything for the rest my soul desires and instead fall to my knees in prayer.  No amount of coffee or Diet Coke is going to give me what I need.

So, here is MY plan.  I am going to try every day to take even 5 minutes and rest in God and in His word.  I want to get my strength from Him.  I need a dose of God, not another cup of coffee.

  ^{Psalm 62: 5-8}

  ⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
       my hope comes from him.

 ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation;
       he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

 ⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God ^[a] ;
       he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

 ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
       pour out your hearts to him,
       for God is our refuge.
    

The Roller Coaster of My Day (thus far)

So, after making the call to keep Micah home, I called the pediatrician and started rearranging childcare and carpools.

Once settled, I ran the kids to my dad who loves them in spite of goo and took off to observe one of the special education classrooms we are considering for Jason.  (I really liked it, but more on that later.)

Leaving the school, I called Andy to report on what I thought, picked up the kids form my dad and ran home.  GrumpyMicah was in full force, so I quickly settled him in front of the TV and packed Hannah a lunch for her to eat on the way to school since she would have to be picked up super early to accommodate our pediatrician appointment.

I grab some snacks for Micah, drag him screaming away from the TV to the car and pop a granola bar in  his mouth.

I'm running a couple minutes behind, but it's a sick appointment and those always run late anyway.  No biggie.

That is until I re-ended the car in front of me at a stop sign when my foot slipped.

Thankfully, no one was hurt, just startled.  We still had to call the cops and file a report though.  A ticket for $120 later, I'm back on the road, now extremely late for our appointment, but thankful our doctors office is so understanding.

GrumpyMicah is now accompanied by TearyMom to the Sick Room which is so crowded we had a hard time finding a place to sit.  Then I had to keep my sick grumpy kid from wandering and getting the germs of other sick grumpy kids, thus making him more grumpy.

Finally, we were called.  However, not before I had to call the other school I was visiting and cancel my observation of that class.  Micah has a bad sinus/ear infection that is draining into his chest.  Not good, but treatable with anti-biotics.

We leave, stop by a drive through as it is nearly 2 and neither of us have had lunch and run home.  I'm here for just a few minutes before I have to run out again for my car pool pick-up duties.

Then, assuming we have no further complications, it's off to the pharmacy, homework, Jason's OT, dinner, family time then bed.

It's a wonder I get so little done during the day....

Grocery Madness

Every mom I know has a story about leaving a store early because of a child's behavior. I am no different. I have left for various reasons, leaving half full carts if I have to, all in the name of good parenting. i have left for each child. No one is immune to Mom's desire to shop in peace.

I've never really had a problem it. Once I even dragged a 6 year old Jason out of Lowe's on Saturday because he had started to rage. I was 9mo pregnant at the time. It wasn't pretty.

But for some reason, today it's really, really bothering me.

My friend Kelly is coming to visit with her daughter had I needed to pick up a few items at the grocery store. Before leaving the car, we covered the rules of in-store behavior. My rules aren't bad, Keep your hands to yourself. Stay with me. Walk. Be aware of your surroundings. Not too complicated and with promises of a cookie at the end if everyone behaved, we entered.

We made it 30 feet when I turned around and found Jason with the top half of his shirt stuffed in his mouth with more on it's way. This was a bad sign.

By the time we reached the dairy aisle in the back of the store, his hands had to remain in his pockets.

At the meat counter, I knew it was iffy that's we make it.

By the bread aisle, I should have known it was too late, but really, really wanted to get it done.

By the time we reached the self-checkout, Micah was wailing because he wanted to play with the lobsters and I said no, Jason was still unable to listen and the self-checkout stopped working. Apparently, I needed assistance. I looked over at the TWO people at the kiosk they glanced at me and went back to their conversation. I waited a full minute. All with a 3yo wailing and a 10 glaring at me because I wouldn't let him pretend to be a wild animal in Meijer.

So, I left.

Yep, with ground beef packaged on the conveyor and cheese in the cart, I picked up Thing 3 and walked. Thankfully, Thing 1 and 2 had the presence of mind to follow.

Now, I can sit down and pick apart what went wrong. Jason's amped up because of the pending visit. High anxiety and zero-impulse control are a bad combo at anytime. Add to that the stimulation of Meijer, his coming down after camp last week and a variety of neurological impairments and it's a recipe for disaster. Add another grumpy sensory kiddo and a mom who really, really needs a break, and I'm surpised we didn't create a black-hole.

Still, now I have to go back because the fact remains that we need the groceries. I think I'll wait though and go when Andy gets home.