The Unknown

It's been a rough day.  School conferences for Micah revealed he is "spacing out" during school.  It's happening often enough that the 2 teachers and OT felt it was an issue and even spoke to the school nurse about it.  It could be related to his Sensory Processing Disorder, but it doesn't seem to fit.  Also, when 2 special education preschool teachers and an occupational therapist bring up an issue like that and can't offer an explanation or solution, it's something to be concerned about.  Thinking back over the past couple months, Andy and I can both think of times he has done it here as well.

I spoke with a few people today and it's possible Micah is experiencing Absence Seizures.  Our doctor is concerned enough that she has ordered an EEG to tomorrow afternoon and we will meet with her next week to consult about the findings and look at other possible causes.  Still, it's the not knowing that is weighing on us.

Tonight and tomorrow will be hard.  I have to sleep deprive him and then pretty much exhaust him before the test tomorrow at 1pm.  Then I have to convince the boy who hates to have stuff on his head, let them put electrodes on.  And then the boy who doesn't even sleep in the car, has to fall asleep in a strange while connected to machines and listening to weird noises.  I'm not sure how it will go, but I am seriously praying that we get clear results on way of the other.

Psalm 46

 ¹ God is our refuge and strength,
       an ever-present help in trouble. 
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
       and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
 ³ though its waters roar and foam
       and the mountains quake with their surging.
 ⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
       the holy place where the Most High dwells.
 ⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
       God will help her at break of day.
 ⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
       he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
 ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.
 ⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
       the desolations he has brought on the earth.
 ⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
       he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
       he burns the shields ^[b] with fire.
 ¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
       I will be exalted among the nations,
       I will be exalted in the earth."
 ¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.
  

Answered Prayer

A while back I posted about a family in need.  This weekend I got word that their needs have been met and a family has been found. God is AWESOME!

The decision they were forced to make was possibly one of the hardest someone could ever make.  It was not something they did lightly or without cause.  What's awesome is that now their little boy can eventually leave the RTC to be with a family where, he has a chance to heal.  The hard part is next.  Living in the aftermath of a disruption.  It can be an extremely difficult thing to live through.  I didn't say much at the time, but their story struck a huge chord with me.  There, but by the grace of God go I.

Although this has been a huge answer to prayer and we praise God in His faithfulness, continue to pray for both families and the little boy.  It's going to be rough on everyone.

Survival Kit

In the fourth grade, they study weather.  Jason has been at this since the start of the year and is finding it immensely fascinating.  They have moved on from basic weather and cloud types to extreme weather.  Stuff like lightening, storms, hurricanes and tornados.  We spent a whole evening talking about lightening strikes and what to do if you are caught out in lightening.  My advice was to come inside.

What's the point of all this?

Tonight's homework is to write a 10 item list for a survival kit.  I helped him brainstorm a couple, but the majority of the ideas were his.  

Jason's List

1- food (anyone who knows Jason know this would be the first thing on his list)

2 - flashlight and batteries

3 - radio

4 - water

5 - clothes

6 - blankets

7 - dry matches

8 - poncho

9 - first aid kit (started out as a bandaid, but we reasoned we night need a little more)

10 - Bible

It was the last one that killed me.  He just yelled out "Oh! I know!  A bible!"  

I think that some of this is sinking in. 

An Uphill Climb

My Monday morning bible study has been doing Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million.  Yesterday, she spoke about running up hill.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT a runner.  I used to though.  In high school and college when I lived at home I would run our neighborhood.  There is one street that is a long, slow uphill that lasts about half a mile.  I always saved that street for the end of the run because at the top I would walk and do my cool down for the short trip back home.  It was always at the end of my run.  I was tired, my legs burned and that hill seemed to kill me.  But at the top, I knew I could rest.  I'd put my hands on top of my head and take those deep breaths my body craved.  There was something immensely satisfying about accomplishing that run and the rest that came afterwards.

Priscilla went on to talk about a few other things, but my mind was stuck on the idea of that run in relation to my life.  No, I don't run anymore.  But there are many things in my life that feel like an uphill run.  The one I was stuck on yesterday was being a parent.

For the years when we struggled with Jason's attachment, I would think "Ah, once this is done, I can rest."  Jason's been attached for years now, but we're still heading uphill.

I though that once we got interventions set up at school that he'd sail along and we could rest, but we're still heading uphill.

Micah learned to talk a we're still heading uphill.

Hannah is learning things so fast, I feel like we have to run faster to keep up.  Still, it's uphill.

I realized that I needed to have a paradigm shift in my life and how I think of it.  There is no rest for me at the top of the hill.  This hill will keep going everyday and somedays I will run it better than others,  But no mater how hard or how fast I run, that top of the hill is not going to get any closer.  For every new trial I make it through, another waits for me.  Every stage a child moves out of, simply means they will enter another.  It just never ends.

So, how do I get a break?

I think this is where God is showing me that I really need to turn to him not just with my worries and wants, but for my rest as well.   HE is my rest, my strength, my shield.  I meed to stop grasping at anything and everything for the rest my soul desires and instead fall to my knees in prayer.  No amount of coffee or Diet Coke is going to give me what I need.

So, here is MY plan.  I am going to try every day to take even 5 minutes and rest in God and in His word.  I want to get my strength from Him.  I need a dose of God, not another cup of coffee.

  ^{Psalm 62: 5-8}

  ⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
       my hope comes from him.

 ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation;
       he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

 ⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God ^[a] ;
       he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

 ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
       pour out your hearts to him,
       for God is our refuge.