It's been a while...

..since I last posted. I could blame it on being busy or not having time to write. But the truth is that I had so much to say that I couldn't get my thoughts together. It's still a bit like that, but I realize that writing is something I love and even as busy as my life is, I have lots to say.

I want talk about raising special needs kids. I want to talk about raising a gifted one. I have stuff to say about suicide and mental illness and what it's like to have those things as a part of your life. I want to tell the world about how God saw me through that last 10 years and how I know He'll see me through the next. I have stuff to say and this is where I want to say it.

I'm back.

Dinner, dinner, what's for dinner?

So, Andy and I started the Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University a couple weeks ago.  To be honest, I wish we had done this years ago, but as it is, we're figuring it out now.  Anyway, part of this is so we can be better with our money, save more, spend less and pay off all our debt.  And maybe even prevent our kids from making the same mistakes we did.

How are we doing this?

For starters, we went on a very, very, VERY strict budget.  This month we cut everything down to the basics with no real extras, just to see how much we were really needing to spend and to put the most into our Emergency Fund (Baby Step 1).  The biggest extra to affect me...dining out (or ordering in for that mater).  No more can we order pizza or run through a drive-thru during a busy day. I'm packing lunches, fixing dinners and reheating left-overs.  Every day.  No exceptions.

This means I'm also having to learn to be creative with my cooking.  I have a fairly limited repertoire of dishes I can do successfully.  I never really learned to cook when I was younger and have sort of approached fixing dinner with trepidation.  And I can't rely on my old stand-bys of noodles and sauce very often.  Therefore, I'm branching out.

So far this week, I've made pinto beans with corn bread.  (I did these on an appointment day in the slow cooker since I knew I wouldn't be home much.)  The next night we reheated them and have them over rice.  I've also made Peas and Rice (a Lebanese dish from some old friends of Andy's family), stir fry and tonight baked ziti with chicken.

I'm actually feeling a new found sense of accomplishment and creativity in being able to do this. I might even branch out and try a couple of the Haitian recipes I have been reading about on my friend Corey's blog.

I would love to get some new things to try.  Things that are easy and flavorful enough for us, but no overwhelming for the kids.  I'd also love some suggestions. Like I said, my cooking experience is limited, but I am always willing and ready to try new things.

Get the Flu Shot Folks!

Almost 2 weeks ago I ran away for the weekend to Chicago.

First, lets just say I had a GREAT time.  My friend, Ruth, was an incredible host and showed off the wonders of her city like a true Chicagoan should  Even with the frigid cold and snow, we still had a roaring good time.  It was great to see amy friends again, talk about our families and laugh at stuff no one else would ever think to laugh at.  We have a new theme song too, although I can't really share it, but let's just say that Ruth needed to hit confession after we learned it.

So, where have I been?

Sick.

On the flight there, I caught the flu.  I never got a regular flu shot this year as I was too busy with the holiday madness to get in.  Plus, after having H1N1 I figured I was safe.

WRONG.

I survived my weekend with the aid of Motrin, Cold-Ez and NyQuil.  The I got home and simply collapsed.  It shouldn't surprise me that I got sick.  I was pretty run down when I left, leaving my immune system open for attack regardless of how many vitamins I might pop.  Still, I spent the next 5 days in bed recovering from my weekend away and the flu.  Then I have been digging out of the domestic mess that occurs when the mom of the house is down for the count.  Andy had to work so the majority of the parenting my kids received last week was in front of the TV with me issuing orders for silence and handing out snacks from my bed.  I did manage car-pool everyday, but the was about the extent of my verticalness.

Anyway, I'm back now and doing well.  Jason tends to freak out a bit when I get sick.  Anger at me tends to be his response in the past because as his mommy, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE SICK.  Sadly, parenting him and his siblings has driven my immune system to the toilet and I do actually be quite ill, though it is improving...somewhat.  This time I fully expected many horrors be be unleashed as I not only got sick, but I did so AFTER LEAVING HIM.

And you know what?

He hasn't.

Not even a little back talk.

He's been helpful, obedient and kind.  He's been working hard on his school work, helping with his siblings and doing whatever it is we ask of him.  This is so unlike him I've been walking around in shock.

I think folks, we are turning a corner.  I think.

NyQuil Ramblings

I have a cold.

A bad one.

The same one that Micah had last weekend which I described to people as a "faucet of snot"

The one that lead to yet ANOTHER round of antibiotics for him and his ears.

Thankfully, our ears are something we don't have a like so hopefully this will remain just a cold.

Still, I'm miserable and it's a long holiday weekend.

Yuck.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was fun.  We spent the day with my folks and my brother.  It was a lot of good food and fun.  I remembered to put batteries in my camera, but then forgot to take pictures.  Colds are great things.

Micah is continuing his potty-training quest.  He's really doing a great job.  Granted at this point it's mostly me and not as much him, but I did notice him starting to try and hold it if he had to go today.  It gave me time to get him to the potty and we managed to stay dry all day.  Our number 2 training hit a bit of a snag Thanksgiving morning because of the antibiotics he's on.  (GROSS)  Thankfully, our pediatrician is now my Facebook friend and she reminded me to get him started on Florastor.  No more accidents like that.

Jason is still struggling.  Things are hard for him right now and with all the added attention Micah is getting, it's making it worse.  Hopefully, when he helps Andy split the wood tomorrow, he'll either work off some of his anger or at least talk to his dad about it.

Hannah is just Hannah.  She's been a great help to me the past few days while I haven't felt well and is being really encouraging to Micah in his potty training.  She's also playing around with lots of math stuff now.  Believe it or not, but she's been working on addition facts with Jason.  Everyday she surprises me even more.

I did NOT go out for Black Friday.  I made the decision this year that my sanity was more important and have done nearly all my Christmas shopping on line.  In fact, I'm 90% done.  Just a few more click on the mouse and the rest should be on it's way soon.  It helps that we have a fairly low key holiday as it is. The kids get one Santa gift, two from us and then a small assortment of art supplies, books and board games.  We overwhelmed Jason and then Hannah those first couple of years that we have really learned our lesson in that regard.  And this year, the kids are helping me clean out some stuff they don't play with anymore for kids who aren't as fortunate as they are.

So, as I'm sure you've noticed, this cold isn't just affecting my ability to breathe, but also my ability to think.  Thus the delay in posting.

And now the NyQuil has kicked in, so good night all.

Random Bits of Nothing

Just another collection of the randomness of our lives...

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During a conversation yesterday about using kind words with her friends, I asked Hannah what kind of heart she had.  She'd been a bit snarky with her friends, and wouldn't clean up the toys when we all headed in for the night.

Her reply was to burst tears and say, "I have a Jesus heart!"

I didn't feel the need to say anything else as she seemed to have it covered at that point.  So I just hugged here tight and tried not to cry myself.
________________

Micah's sensory seeking self has taken a recent swing.  He's been avoiding stuff and has even thrown up when asked to touch certain foods to his tongue.  Mealtimes have become the stuff of nightmares and I have been at a complete loss.

Last night, we gave him "safe" foods on a divided plate.  He did have the same veggies as us, although he were raw.  No tears.  No screaming.  I actually enjoyed dinner for the first time in weeks.  YEAH!

________________

Jason came home sick today.  When I took him to school this morning, he said his stomach hurt, but he had no fever or any other symptom and a big test.  I felt the test may have been reason for the stomach so I opted to send him.

At 9:30 they called because he was lethargic and had thrown up.

Looks like I was wrong.  I don't think this is the same bug from the weekend, which is worrying since I AM TIRED OF SICK PEOPLE!!!

After a long nap this afternoon he is cuddled on the couch holding the infamous bucket and watching Spy Kids with Micah.
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We finally finished moving the old computer desk to the garage and listed it on Craigslist.  This also involved a cleaning out of the back room.

My once organized garage is once again filled with stuff to be donated or sold and large piles of cardboard for recycling.   I'm hoping I can get it all out of here this weekend.

________________

I do NOT like daylight savings time.  Yes, the kids may get up earlier, but I love my evenings outside with them.  When it is DARK at 6pm, it's hard to foster that neighborly feeling we've been working on.

Looks like we need to move some wood out front to the fire pit if we're going to be out after dinner anymore.

________________

If you live in Ohio, it's a voting day.  In addition to several statewide constitutional issues, our school district has a major levy on the ballot that will change the shape of our district if it fails.

Hannah and I hit the polls early (before Jason came home), and she really enjoyed pushing the buttons.

If you haven't already, head to the polls!

An Uphill Climb

My Monday morning bible study has been doing Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million.  Yesterday, she spoke about running up hill.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT a runner.  I used to though.  In high school and college when I lived at home I would run our neighborhood.  There is one street that is a long, slow uphill that lasts about half a mile.  I always saved that street for the end of the run because at the top I would walk and do my cool down for the short trip back home.  It was always at the end of my run.  I was tired, my legs burned and that hill seemed to kill me.  But at the top, I knew I could rest.  I'd put my hands on top of my head and take those deep breaths my body craved.  There was something immensely satisfying about accomplishing that run and the rest that came afterwards.

Priscilla went on to talk about a few other things, but my mind was stuck on the idea of that run in relation to my life.  No, I don't run anymore.  But there are many things in my life that feel like an uphill run.  The one I was stuck on yesterday was being a parent.

For the years when we struggled with Jason's attachment, I would think "Ah, once this is done, I can rest."  Jason's been attached for years now, but we're still heading uphill.

I though that once we got interventions set up at school that he'd sail along and we could rest, but we're still heading uphill.

Micah learned to talk a we're still heading uphill.

Hannah is learning things so fast, I feel like we have to run faster to keep up.  Still, it's uphill.

I realized that I needed to have a paradigm shift in my life and how I think of it.  There is no rest for me at the top of the hill.  This hill will keep going everyday and somedays I will run it better than others,  But no mater how hard or how fast I run, that top of the hill is not going to get any closer.  For every new trial I make it through, another waits for me.  Every stage a child moves out of, simply means they will enter another.  It just never ends.

So, how do I get a break?

I think this is where God is showing me that I really need to turn to him not just with my worries and wants, but for my rest as well.   HE is my rest, my strength, my shield.  I meed to stop grasping at anything and everything for the rest my soul desires and instead fall to my knees in prayer.  No amount of coffee or Diet Coke is going to give me what I need.

So, here is MY plan.  I am going to try every day to take even 5 minutes and rest in God and in His word.  I want to get my strength from Him.  I need a dose of God, not another cup of coffee.

  ^{Psalm 62: 5-8}

  ⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
       my hope comes from him.

 ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation;
       he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

 ⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God ^[a] ;
       he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

 ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
       pour out your hearts to him,
       for God is our refuge.
    

Not What We Expected

I'm back from the meeting.  It was good, but turned out differently than we thought.

The meeting went fairly well.   I started by talking about what we started this process and the events that led our principal to arrange for me to visit the classroom.  I spoke about the classroom and how it appeared to be exactly what I would want in a class for Jason.  Then his teacher and intervention specialist each spoke about the progress he is making and concerns they have.  As it turns out, things are settling down for him a bit.  He's maintaining very well in Science and Social Studies and he has been making progress in reading.  Math, spelling and writing continue to be his weakest areas.

Finally, Mrs. Fox, our principal, asked the teacher of the learning center how she felt Jason would fit in her class academically.  She had concerns because transitions are difficult for Jason and her students still have them. Then she noted that Jason is very advanced compared to her students in language arts.  Basically, Jason is working at a second grade level and her students at a kindergarten level.  She was concerned that with the disparity in Jason's learning and her students that it would not be a good fit.

This would be where I cried.

Mrs. Fox asked me what I thought and it was so very apparent at this point that the option I thought was perfect, wasn't.  I didn't sob, but I did choke up and get teary while explaining that I agreed that the learning center wasn't likely the best place for him, but I knew he needed more and had maxed out on his intervention minutes.  Jason's a unique kid as far as special education.  I was concerned because while I understood the learning center was not a good fit, I didn't like that he spent time in the class lost, confused and not really doing anything.

Then Mrs. Fox noted that she spoke with the Director of Special Education about Jason.  She wanted to explore all options before the meeting today.  Apparently, the 90 minutes is more of a guideline instead of a rule to prevent schools from creating learning centers instead of using those already  in district.  Basically, we can give Jason more time with intervention and make things work where we are.

Basically, we looked through Jason's entire day and noted times when he was in the class and the class was doing something he wasn't  We added 15 minutes of time to his math goals and he'll be taking part in a reading program for intervention level kids called Project M.O.R.E. for about 30 minutes a day.  This may take a few weeks to get everyone trained and schedule, so in the meantime he will stay with his intervention specialist for an extra 15 minutes doing independent work before returning to the class to  work on his keyboarding until lunch.

The only other time he is lost in class is during the reading aloud time and that is because he has his speech and occupational therapy interventions then.  We came up with a plan that we would read the book his teacher is reading in class at night before bed.  This was he would still hear the story and know the characters so he could join in the discussion despite missing parts of the time for his therapies.

Socially, Jason still struggles, but he in involved in a couple of lunchtime social groups.  Also, I know the staff at the school are aware of his challenges in this area and keep a close eye on him during lunch and recess.  I'm trying to make things happen on my end with that and Mrs. Fox is looking into a buddy for him from the 6th grade.

In all it was a very positive meeting.  Not having the massive transition will be a good thing and if we can make things work, I think Jason will be happier.  Also, I love his team and that he has people there who KNOW him so well and want whats best for him.

The Roller Coaster of My Day (Part 2)

You didn't think it ended with getting kids from school, did you?

Micah was none to happy to be dragged back out again.  And I don't blame him.  Although we now knew what was wrong, it'd be another 24 hours before he felt well (or more as we are on hour 24 while I write this).  Plus, he was tired and needed a nap.  Something that just wasn't happening that day.

So, off we went for the school pick-ups.  I was the very last car in the line at Jason's school.  He's gotten used to this although I always feel badly.  Now in the car, he starts chattering away about his day and we drive off to pick up Hannah and her friend, T.  A quick stop at the pharmacy to drop off Micah's prescription and we're off to drop off T.

Here I learned that earlier in the day when they were driving Hannah to pick up their son before school, Hannah shared with T's dad her newfound knowledge concerning babies.

"Did you know that babies come out of VAGINAS?  VAGINA is a silly word.  Isn't it? VAGINA, VAGINA, VAGINA!"

Apparently, we need to cover private parts being private words too.  Oy!

Home again for a quick snack and for Jason to practice his recorder.  (As excited as I am that he is showing an interest in an instrument, did it have to be one so annoying? I think I now understand why my parents were thrilled when I quit the violin.)

Back in the car for a run down to Jason's occupational therapy.  It's the second day of his evaluation and on the way down, I realized I didn't have my parent score sheet.  Ugh.  Too late to turn back, I have his therapist give me a new one to fill out while we wait.

Jason's OT is in the same OT gym that Micah's class used last year.  This made Micah MAD and Hannah thrilled to be reunited with the toys she played with so much while we waited last year.  By now my head was pounding and Micah's wails of distress didn't help.  I so get that he was over-tired and sick, but there wasn't anything else I could do.

Thankfully, one of Micah's old teachers was setting up for tomorrow's class which stopped the tears.  Micah ran over and gave her a big hug.

"I have missed you ALL DAY LONG!"

I love a 3yo's concept of time.  Miss L was thrilled to see Micah and was super impressed with how well his speech has continued to progress since school ended last year.  Off she went and Micah was sufficiently distracted that he forgot his tears enough to play house with Hannah while I filled out my forgotten form.

Finally, the form was completed and Jason was done.  A quick review of the session with Miss J while I tried to keep my kids from bouncing off the walls in the waiting area and we left.

Ah, rush hour traffic...what a joy.

The kids were hungry and crank and so was I.  I pulled in the driveway, handed they kids off to their dad, declared I didn't want to talk to or see anyone, including him, for the next 30 minutes and disappeared into my bedroom.

They gave me an hour because apparently I had THAT look.

It was a LONG day and thankfully it is over and we are onto a new, much better one.

The Roller Coaster of My Day (thus far)

So, after making the call to keep Micah home, I called the pediatrician and started rearranging childcare and carpools.

Once settled, I ran the kids to my dad who loves them in spite of goo and took off to observe one of the special education classrooms we are considering for Jason.  (I really liked it, but more on that later.)

Leaving the school, I called Andy to report on what I thought, picked up the kids form my dad and ran home.  GrumpyMicah was in full force, so I quickly settled him in front of the TV and packed Hannah a lunch for her to eat on the way to school since she would have to be picked up super early to accommodate our pediatrician appointment.

I grab some snacks for Micah, drag him screaming away from the TV to the car and pop a granola bar in  his mouth.

I'm running a couple minutes behind, but it's a sick appointment and those always run late anyway.  No biggie.

That is until I re-ended the car in front of me at a stop sign when my foot slipped.

Thankfully, no one was hurt, just startled.  We still had to call the cops and file a report though.  A ticket for $120 later, I'm back on the road, now extremely late for our appointment, but thankful our doctors office is so understanding.

GrumpyMicah is now accompanied by TearyMom to the Sick Room which is so crowded we had a hard time finding a place to sit.  Then I had to keep my sick grumpy kid from wandering and getting the germs of other sick grumpy kids, thus making him more grumpy.

Finally, we were called.  However, not before I had to call the other school I was visiting and cancel my observation of that class.  Micah has a bad sinus/ear infection that is draining into his chest.  Not good, but treatable with anti-biotics.

We leave, stop by a drive through as it is nearly 2 and neither of us have had lunch and run home.  I'm here for just a few minutes before I have to run out again for my car pool pick-up duties.

Then, assuming we have no further complications, it's off to the pharmacy, homework, Jason's OT, dinner, family time then bed.

It's a wonder I get so little done during the day....

Ouch

Last night, I decided to brave the rain and walk to my parents house to visit my brother. Unfortunately, the rain had turned to sleets and the wet ground to ice. And guess what? I fell.

On my wrist.

And broke it.

Apparently, the type of break I have is pretty rare and will likely require surgery. They had to immobilize my hand including my thumb. Which I use, a lot. For things like diapers and car seats and buttons.

All this on the eve of Christmas Eve. Oy!