Another Possibility for Jason

A few weeks before Christmas, a dear friend shared with me that a local private school for LD kids is now accepting Ohio's Autism Scholarship.  I have been eyeing this school for a while, but it has always been cost prohibitive.  It has an amazing reputation amongst educators and special ed parents in our area.  The scholarship with make him going there a real possibility, so I finally called at Andy and I went for a meeting with their admissions director and toured the school.

All I can say is WOW!  If I were to design a school for my son, THIS would be what I would do.  The classes sizes are small with 2 certified teachers in each class.  Kids are placed by their learning level, not their grade and every single subject is taught from an LD perspective.  Yes, even art and gym.  There are no cavernous desks for him to lose things in and the kids each carry an identical notebook with planner and sections built in.  Each section of the planner is signed by each teacher, the student and the parent each day.  It was just awesome.

That said, we are now at the hard part.  We have completed the application, sent the release forms on to his doctors and school and are waiting to see what they say.  Because it is a private school, they are very selective about who gets in.  They can't help every student are are looking for kids with average to above average intelligence who struggle because of their LD.  The don't accept kids with behavior issues that don't stem from the LD itself and even though they take kids with an Autism diagnosis, they were quick to say they are not a school for Autism.  They accept kids who are very mild on the spectrum who can function in a classroom with peers.  They look at each child as a whole person and will even interview him and give him a full day "tryout" to make sure it is a good fit.   Even Jason's current teacher and principal think this is a good thing.  They have been super cooperative in making sure the records are sent and are offering to be of any help they can be.

All that said, we really want him to get in.  We think, based on the numerous assessments that Jason has had, that he fits what they are looking for, but we don't know for sure.  Obviously, if it's not a good fit and they can't help him, then it's not the place for him. 

The problem is that we have hit a wall with public school.  Jason's peers are just frankly mean to him and although we love the staff and teachers at his current school, I could do without the majority of the students there.  I would homeschool again if Jason would agree to.  But, honestly, I don't think I could teach him because I just don't understand his LD and it would probably be very frustrating for both of us.    Moving him to another school in the district s always a possibility, but kids are cruel everywhere and until Jason figures out the social game, then I can't see that working either.

So right now, our hope is pinned on this new school.  At this point, we are waiting to see if he looks like what they want on paper, then we move forward to the interview stage.  We have no idea how this will turn out, but we are praying hard it works out and Jason can have a fresh start at a school where he is the normal rather than the exception.

Not What We Expected

I'm back from the meeting.  It was good, but turned out differently than we thought.

The meeting went fairly well.   I started by talking about what we started this process and the events that led our principal to arrange for me to visit the classroom.  I spoke about the classroom and how it appeared to be exactly what I would want in a class for Jason.  Then his teacher and intervention specialist each spoke about the progress he is making and concerns they have.  As it turns out, things are settling down for him a bit.  He's maintaining very well in Science and Social Studies and he has been making progress in reading.  Math, spelling and writing continue to be his weakest areas.

Finally, Mrs. Fox, our principal, asked the teacher of the learning center how she felt Jason would fit in her class academically.  She had concerns because transitions are difficult for Jason and her students still have them. Then she noted that Jason is very advanced compared to her students in language arts.  Basically, Jason is working at a second grade level and her students at a kindergarten level.  She was concerned that with the disparity in Jason's learning and her students that it would not be a good fit.

This would be where I cried.

Mrs. Fox asked me what I thought and it was so very apparent at this point that the option I thought was perfect, wasn't.  I didn't sob, but I did choke up and get teary while explaining that I agreed that the learning center wasn't likely the best place for him, but I knew he needed more and had maxed out on his intervention minutes.  Jason's a unique kid as far as special education.  I was concerned because while I understood the learning center was not a good fit, I didn't like that he spent time in the class lost, confused and not really doing anything.

Then Mrs. Fox noted that she spoke with the Director of Special Education about Jason.  She wanted to explore all options before the meeting today.  Apparently, the 90 minutes is more of a guideline instead of a rule to prevent schools from creating learning centers instead of using those already  in district.  Basically, we can give Jason more time with intervention and make things work where we are.

Basically, we looked through Jason's entire day and noted times when he was in the class and the class was doing something he wasn't  We added 15 minutes of time to his math goals and he'll be taking part in a reading program for intervention level kids called Project M.O.R.E. for about 30 minutes a day.  This may take a few weeks to get everyone trained and schedule, so in the meantime he will stay with his intervention specialist for an extra 15 minutes doing independent work before returning to the class to  work on his keyboarding until lunch.

The only other time he is lost in class is during the reading aloud time and that is because he has his speech and occupational therapy interventions then.  We came up with a plan that we would read the book his teacher is reading in class at night before bed.  This was he would still hear the story and know the characters so he could join in the discussion despite missing parts of the time for his therapies.

Socially, Jason still struggles, but he in involved in a couple of lunchtime social groups.  Also, I know the staff at the school are aware of his challenges in this area and keep a close eye on him during lunch and recess.  I'm trying to make things happen on my end with that and Mrs. Fox is looking into a buddy for him from the 6th grade.

In all it was a very positive meeting.  Not having the massive transition will be a good thing and if we can make things work, I think Jason will be happier.  Also, I love his team and that he has people there who KNOW him so well and want whats best for him.

Big Meeting

I am having a big IEP meeting at the school this afternoon, and I am freaking out.

I can sit here and KNOW that what I am asking for is reasonable and appropriate, but I have this lingering fear that I have a fight on my hands.

In truth, the only fight our school has ever given me was when Jason was 5 and leaving preschool for kindergarten.  They denied his IEP at the time because he had met his goals and showed no indication that he needed on.  However, two years later when they qualified him again at the end of first grade the school psychologist admitted it was a mistake based on history.  In those 2 years though I learned a LOT about my son, how he learns and my rights as a parent in public schools.  I wasn't as easily pushed aside, and honestly, by that time, it was obvious that something was wrong.

Still, I asking for a Change of Placement this time.  I eluded in an earlier post that had visited a special needs classroom in another elementary and was very encouraged.  After talking it over with Andy and exchanging e-mails with his intervention specialist and principal, we decided that this classroom would be very beneficial for Jason.  It is set up almost exactly like a classroom I would design for him if I could.  and I loved the teacher.  I also think the his intervention specialist and principal agree with me.  But they are only part of the team, thus the fear.

Should this happen (which we are very hopeful it will), Jason will likely start next Monday.  He'll go from being driven to school every day, to taking a bus. (It's not far, just a couple miles away.)  The building is an older design so the lay out is different.  Obviously, it will be all new kids and teachers.  But we'll have a nearly all new team with the exception of the school psychologist.  I LOVE our current school and the team we work with now.  We've had a few bumps along the way, but we all come to the table understand who, at the heart, Jason is and we work in his best interest.  Talking with other parents, this is not always the case.

This will likely be a rough meeting for me and a rough transition for Jason.  Andy usually goes to the big meetings with me, but instead is taking Jason to a therapist appointment.  We didn't want to miss it so they could talk about the coming changes and how to help Jason through them.

The positives certainly out weigh the negatives here and I have a good case for getting it.  I just worry.

I'll post again later and let everyone know how it went.

Soccer Recap - Jason

Jason's soccer season ended yesterday.  In all it was a good year and he had a BLAST.

This was the first year since he was 7 that he has ben able to play. You see, soccer is a seriously competitive sport in our area and kids (and parents) don't take to kindly to kids who just want to have fun and are a little different.  The final straw in first grade was when he kicked the ball the wrong direction allowing the other team to score and a kid on his team (who we'd known for years) decided it was okay to shove Jason to the ground and yelled at him.  The coach and other parents did nothing.  In fact, parents on both teams were making comments. We left and he hadn't played since.

Until this year that is.  A friend of ours told us about a special needs soccer league in our area.  It's for ANY special need; be it physical, neurological or emotional.  TOPSoccer gave Jason a chance to play a game he really enjoyed, but just couldn't handle in the regular leagues.  They team the kids up with buddie who help them throughout the practice and game.  The buddies are kids from the local high school soccer teams and they are extremely good with the kids and the variety of disabilities that came.  Sports are HARD for kids with specials needs and there are very few out there for special kids to play.   it's encouraging to see leagues like these start up.

Jason had fun and learned to love a sport again.  He got to run, shoot and score!  Although his favorite position was goalie.  He's really good at stopping the ball.  (I think he just liked to dive on the ball.) We're really looking forward to doing it all again in the spring.

GO!

Jason spent a lot of time in goal.

Jason and his buddy Paul showing off their trophies.

Think Before You Speak Please

Today at Hannah's dance class I over heard a comment by another mom about the outfit her daughter chose to wear that day.

"She looks like she belongs in special ed."

The other mom she was speaking to guffawed a bit and the conversation took another turn before I could pick my jaw up off the floor and say something.  Just a few moments earlier I had been talking about how I had visited a new special education room for Jason.  No details, just that it was something I had done.  I don't think the mom even registered that what she had said was offensive but it still cut me to the core.  I'm kicking myself because I didn't jump in and say something, but at the same time, I know I will get further with people if I keep my red-headed temper in check too.  Turning into a crazed lunatic mom would not have been helpful.  

However, had Jason been there or one of my other kids heard her, I would have.  As it was, only myself and the other two women were present.

I am the proud parent of a child in special education.  Things are HARD for him.  Things that come easy to so many of us out there.  He works constantly to achieve the goals set before him.  Yet, still he's falling behind.  His brain doesn't work like mine.  And what's even worse is that he UNDERSTANDS that it doesn't and why it is that way.  He sees his little sister catching up to him and passing him in some areas, but he still get up every morning with a smile on his face and greets the day ready to try again.  

Yet, our society celebrates intelligence and makes fun of people who differ from the norm.  Since becoming a special education mom I am so much more aware of this.  Much the way I became aware about comments people make about adoption and mental health.  You can hear it in comics routines, watch it in cartoons and hear the names called at recess.  Sponge Bob is outlawed in our house as are a lot of shows that depict people being teased and picked on because it's fun to pick on the slow kid.  

Next week, when I take Hannah to dance, I'll be calmer and have a clearer head.  I'm hoping I can bring up how hurtful her comments were and do a little social educating while I'm at it.  But the next time you are talking with someone, think about what you are saying.  You never know when the words you are using might be harmful to the people around you.

What's up with Jason?

I haven't said much about Jason and the start of the 4th grade since last month. Not because nothing is happening, but because so much is.

4th grade became too much to handle exactly 3 days in. He let me know this by taking a pair of scissors to his jeans and cutting a gash in them and his leg. Praise GOD this was the same day as a therapist appointment. Mrs. Donna was meeting Jason for the first time that afternoon. Talk about jumping into the deep end. Thankfully, we had already met and she just dove right in. We left with a better understanding of why he did this as well as some strategies to avoid it. Oh, and he no longer gets to keep scissors in his desk at school.

This incident prompted me to call for an IEP review, which, thankfully, our school scheduled within a week. Jason is now getting direct instruction at maximum levels for all the core subjects and his homeroom teacher is modifying his tests and in class work to be very oral and low key for him. You just can't expect a kid with all his issues to handle following a lecture and take notes. By the time he would finish writing some thing down, his teacher was 3 points ahead of him. Now he's provided with the notes preprinted for him to read along with and highlight as well as illustrations on the topic. They are also doing his evaluation now instead of in the spring when it is due. Jason can't spend anymore time outside of class than he is and we may be looking at part-time in a self-contained classroom.

Oh, and to top it all, at Jason's psychiatrist appointment last week, he was diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder. At this point, he is diagnosed with the classification of PDD-NOS, but they are considering Asperger's as well.

All in all, it's been a lot to take in. I'll keep updating as I get the chance.

First Day of Fourth Grade

I just dropped Jason off. He's a fourth grader now. At least that's what they tell me. My special little boy with the book like IEP and more time spent out of the classroom than in is in the fourth grade. I've spent the past week conferencing with teachers, the guidance counselor and his new therapist discussing my son, his struggles and how we will handle this new year. This will be a hard year for him.

We learned last year that despite our best efforts, Jason won't 'catch-up' with his peers. His issues are deeper than more complex than we had thought and the damage much more lasting. As he continues to grow, he will fall further and further behind his peers. We see this more and more everyday. In essence, as I have said so many times this week, Jason is a 6yo trapped in a 10yos body.

Yesterday was "Meet the Teacher" day and Jason walked excitedly through the building telling everyone about his new backpack. Contrary to the thoughts of the kids and parents he talked to, he wasn't bragging. He was excited. Just like he was about his Star Wars backpack in Kindergarten and his Army back pack in 2nd grade. He was simply sharing his joy with others. Much like a kindergartener, he still hugs his teachers, talks to everyone he knows and wants to be friends with everyone.

My view of the day was different. The 2 other boys we had our conference with were polite, but cold. He's known them since Kindergarten. He was blatantly ignored by several students and I was glanced upon with disdain by some of the parents. I overheard one kids tell his mom, "That's Jason. He's a space cadet." Jason didn't hear this, he was too busy talking about the bird he had just seen.

This type of thing isn't reserved for school either. We've seen school mates at the store and such over the summer and Jason is ignored, even while their parents are standing there. Something I would never permit my kids to do, yet it happens to my son all the time. We have 2 neighbors who are in Jason's grade and neither boy can be bothered with Jason. One boy will, on occassion, but only because his parents are friends with us and won't permit it. Yet, every summer, Jason will ring their bells and ask them to play. And every summer he is ignored or bullied or told to simply leave. This year I finally had to forbid him from playing at that end of the street as now their little brothers of these boys are doing this.

So today I woke my son up, prayed with him and sent him to school. A school where I know the staff understands him and will do all they can for him. A school that is championing for him in all the areas they can. But also a school where he has no friends, no one to eat lunch with and will likely be treated on the playground like some sort of social pariah. A school where he will spend the first 7 days lost in class as they set up the schedule for his interventions. A school he hopefully won't come home from in tears.

Andy and I are looking at options and praying about how to move forward with Jason's education. The academic demands of fourth grade are going to be a lot for my little man to handle. Homeschooling is not a good match for him as he is too oppositional. We are praying for his safety, guidance and for a clear path from here. Our options are getting limited unless we get a different diagnosis. Ready or not, he's off to school.

They came from Wisconsin...

A few months ago my friend, Kelly, contacted me about crashing here for a few days. She was coming to Columbus to the NACAC conference to represent the Attachment and Trauma Network. regardless of the reason for her visit, I was super thrilled to be seeing one of my on-line buddies again, but NACAC and ATN are both near and dear to my heart as well. So, plans were made and Kelly and her 7 year old daughter, Savannah, arrived in Columbus Wednesday afternoon.

Kelly is super cool. She's been there, done that with all kinds of kid issues so it was really nice to have someone who I could talk to and laugh with about faith, parenting, special needs and adoption. She's survived losing kids she loved, getting gob-smacked by a diagnosis and just about a thousand other things. Needless to say, we stayed up late every night talking up a storm.

Savannah fit in just perfectly with my gang. She didn't notice Jason's differences and is about as girly as Hannah. While Kelly worked the conference during the day, I took the 4 kids and did stuff. We weathered Micah's OT, a Splash Pad playdate with no splashing, the zoo and the general insanity of 4 kids in one small house.

Although we did hit a few bumps in the road, we did manage. Jason handled the changes in our days admirably for a kiddo who hates changes, even temporary change. He even managed to share his stuff and let the kids play in his room. For those who know Jason, this a HUGE. Today we are having a few bounce-back issues as he works through his feelings on missing his friend, but that is way better than the raging we would have had a couple years ago. Progress is a great thing.

In all, it was a great time.

Thanks for coming Kelly and I hope we see you again soon.

Jason, Hannah, Savannah and Micah this morning before they left.

Grocery Madness

Every mom I know has a story about leaving a store early because of a child's behavior. I am no different. I have left for various reasons, leaving half full carts if I have to, all in the name of good parenting. i have left for each child. No one is immune to Mom's desire to shop in peace.

I've never really had a problem it. Once I even dragged a 6 year old Jason out of Lowe's on Saturday because he had started to rage. I was 9mo pregnant at the time. It wasn't pretty.

But for some reason, today it's really, really bothering me.

My friend Kelly is coming to visit with her daughter had I needed to pick up a few items at the grocery store. Before leaving the car, we covered the rules of in-store behavior. My rules aren't bad, Keep your hands to yourself. Stay with me. Walk. Be aware of your surroundings. Not too complicated and with promises of a cookie at the end if everyone behaved, we entered.

We made it 30 feet when I turned around and found Jason with the top half of his shirt stuffed in his mouth with more on it's way. This was a bad sign.

By the time we reached the dairy aisle in the back of the store, his hands had to remain in his pockets.

At the meat counter, I knew it was iffy that's we make it.

By the bread aisle, I should have known it was too late, but really, really wanted to get it done.

By the time we reached the self-checkout, Micah was wailing because he wanted to play with the lobsters and I said no, Jason was still unable to listen and the self-checkout stopped working. Apparently, I needed assistance. I looked over at the TWO people at the kiosk they glanced at me and went back to their conversation. I waited a full minute. All with a 3yo wailing and a 10 glaring at me because I wouldn't let him pretend to be a wild animal in Meijer.

So, I left.

Yep, with ground beef packaged on the conveyor and cheese in the cart, I picked up Thing 3 and walked. Thankfully, Thing 1 and 2 had the presence of mind to follow.

Now, I can sit down and pick apart what went wrong. Jason's amped up because of the pending visit. High anxiety and zero-impulse control are a bad combo at anytime. Add to that the stimulation of Meijer, his coming down after camp last week and a variety of neurological impairments and it's a recipe for disaster. Add another grumpy sensory kiddo and a mom who really, really needs a break, and I'm surpised we didn't create a black-hole.

Still, now I have to go back because the fact remains that we need the groceries. I think I'll wait though and go when Andy gets home.

Day Camp Dibacle

This summer Jason has spent 3 weeks at YMCA day camp. One week there, the next off and so on. This is both to give him much needed structure and activity and to give me a break. We went in with very high hopes. We are pulling him early tomorrow.

Every week has been met with it's own set of difficulties. We made sure the staff at the camp (just 10 minutes from our house) knew of Jason's special needs and that they could handle then before he went. The staff has mostly been very patient and kind in dealing with him and us.

It's the kids that are the biggest problem.

You see, Jason is a sweet naive little guy. Actually he's not so little at 10 anymore, but in truth he exists much like a 6yo does. His understanding of the world around him is very much like that of a first grader. We still struggle with fantasy and reality and if you tell him something, he will believe you. He also misreads social cues pretty regulary. And he always takes jokes and such too far in his desire to fit it. But at the heart of it all, Jason is a good, sweet, gentle kid, who just wants to be liked and doesn't understand why kids don't like him.

This week a boy had Jason convinced that aliens are real, invisible and coming to get him. This is so scary for Jason as he truly believed it. He hasn't been sleeping and last night had a horrible nightmare. We think it started as a joke, but then the kids figured out that Jason really thought it was true and have been feeding it all week. Telling him that he needed special powers to ward off the aliens and then using Jason's fear of just disappearing to get things from him all week. Add to that boys with a far too advanced knowledge of life and my kiddo was so in over his head.

Only I didn't know any of this until today, when he threw a rock at that boy. Hard. And got himself sent to the office and a note sent home to me. The camp director politely told me we should consider sending Jason to another branch with smaller numbers because he was more than they could handle.

However, during our talks with Jason this evening we found out the rest. About the aliens, the teasing and the vulgar language.

Thankfully, Jason is taking it all in stride. He is happy to know aliens aren't real, he isn't going to disappear and that he won't have to go back. He loved the creeking and the swimming and all the othr activities, but I told him no amount of fun is worth all that. He went off to band rehearsal with Andy tonight, happy as a clam. I'm glad he can let things go so easily.

I'm torn between utter sadness and guilt that I put him in this situation and complete anger that the adults in charge didn't do something and allowed this all to happen. Tomorrow, Andy is going over at lunch to speak with the camp director about everything that had been going on. I would, but it probably wouldn't be a pretty sight.

I think next summer I'll stick to VBS, the pool and play dates.