Dear World,

I am writing this to clear up a few things.

My son is a remarkable, bright and gifted young man. He has triumphed over more things in his short life than the majority of the people I know ever will. We made the decision to send him to his new school this year because it was the best place for him.

My son has learning differences that made teaching him in a typical learning environment a challenge. He had some good teachers who went above and beyond at his public school. He had others that shoved him to the side and fed him answers to make it look like he was learning and improve their test scores. Because of these teachers, my son began to believe he was dumb.

He deserved better than that.

His new school is designed to teach kids just like my son. Kids who are smart, but learn differently and therefore can't learn in their public school. In fact, you have to be smart to get into this school. They don't take kids who can't be taught. They take kids who are "unteachable" by public education standards.

At my son's school, he is learning that he is smart. He is doing at least grade level work in most subjects and quickly catching up in those his isn't. He isn't the different one in the class, he's the norm. He is making friends, playing sports and loving life. He is happy.

So, World, when you stop and ask me about my son or his school, please do not think that he is "dumb" or "severe" or "slow." Do not patronize me because you feel bad that my son can't go to school with his neighborhood friends. Do not think of him as anything other than what he is, amazing.

Sincerely,

His very proud mom

PS - I'll blog about Thanksgiving later. I just had to get that off my chest.

And the world keeps turning...

Last week my world ground to a sudden and tragic halt.

This week it's starting to move again.

Regardless of my grief and everything we are dealing with now, the school year keeps moving forward. I had to reschedule a bunch of school appointments and they started again yesterday.

Jason did his pre-admission testing for the new school yesterday. It was mainly to see where he was with his language skills and see where some of his learning issues are. I think it went well, but it's so hard to know for sure.

I really liked being at the school and seeing the interactions between the staff and the kids. You can really tell a lot about a school that way. The school is putting on a play and I was able to listen to them rehearse The teachers were all excited and happy and there were still a fair number of kids there. Everyone was friendly and happy to be doing what ever it was they were doing.

So now we wait. The school is heading to spring break next week so I don't expect the admissions committee to meet until after. But at this point, we are done jumping through hoops (I hope) and just need to be patient.

My brother was really excited that we found this school for Jason and wanted him to get in. I wanted to call him last night and tell him. I couldn't though, but I know he knew.

A Perfect Storm

Sometimes, when your kid has a bad day you can go back and analyze it and figure out all the places things went wrong that cause the problem.

Well, yesterday we experienced a perfect storm, Jason-style.

Because Micah is sick and Hannah is recovering, I made arrangements for Jason to walk home with the daughters of our friends. Jason has walked with them in the past on occasion and while it isn't the best situation, it works most of the time. In fact, we walked friday of last week without a single problem.

Although yesterday the fourth grade celebrated Ohio's birthday by eating lots and lots of Ohio made food. All of it contained processed sugars and chemicals. Stuff we don't feed Jason. Stuff his brain reacts, um, poorly too. In my defense, I misread the sheet and thought the party was Friday. Still, it was not a good thing for Jason.

Add to the food, changing Jason's routine. Although he is a normally flexible enough guy to handle this, routine changes do increase his anxiety.

And then, as they walked away from the school, someone hit him with a snowball. A kid who has been unkind to Jason in the past. A kid Jason who bullies him.

Jason yelled in anger and went after the kid. His friend tried to stop him by grabbing his coat, thus causing Jason to feel like he was choking. This was bad. Unbeknownst to the girl, this is a HUGE PTSD trigger for Jason. What followed was not pretty.

For the remainder of the 25 minute walk home, Jason yelled, pushed, tackled and threw snow at every kid he felt was bullying him or had in the past. The boys also yelled, pushed, tackled and threw snow at him. It appears that while Jason was the first to make thing physical, the other boys certainly played their part. It was not a good thing.

Also, remember how I talked about Jason's Autism and his inability to read situations or respond to them. Jason was yelling things that didn't even make sense, things he had heard on TV, making it funnier for the kids going after him.

When Jason did get home, I could tell something was up, but it took quite a while to decode it and get to the bottom of everything. His PTSD reaction means he only has vague images and recollections of what occurred after the coat was pulled. Of course, we were upset because he knows not to fight like that. But once we pieced everything together, we began to see things in a bit differently. In fact, it was this morning when clarity set in, that I realized while my son's response was wrong, the situation with the school has reached ridiculous proportions.

So, I started making phone calls and writing emails. I became Super Activist Mom and spent the majority of the day with a phone on my ear and a keyboard under my fingers.

I heard back from the school we are considering to learn that Jason made it to the final phase of the selection process and we should have a decision after they complete some testing and meet with the committee.

I spoke with two more Autism specific programs in town and have appointments made to tour their schools and meet with the administration.

I requested a revision on his ETR to qualify him under Autism instead of OHI so we can access more services.

I am asking that transportation be added to his IEP because he cannot travel to and from school safely like his peers.

There is a lot still pending and a lot of decisions to be made in the coming month, but at least now we have a plan.

Good news!

First, we have everything we need to get him the Autism Scholarship.

Second, Jason's interview with the school went very well and the admissions director told me today that Jason appears to be the type of student they can help.  The next step is testing and a full day at the school, shadowing a fellow student.  He'll get to do this on the 16th.

Keep the prayers coming!

Educational Insanity

Last night I had a meeting at the school to write a new IEP and discuss the results of the latest testing.  We also spent a great deal of time brain storming how to deal with the bullying situations.  The staff at the school really likes him and find him a joy to work with.  Overall, I am happy with the results, but still have some questions.

Because at the time we started testing, Autism was not in question, they did not do any educational autism assessments.  Now, they do believe he is on the spectrum and have written a portion of his IEP to deal with pragmatic language and social skills.  In fact, this social group that he is now a part of actually meets in the specialized Autism classroom once a week.  However, because they didn't do their assessment, they couldn't take his doctor's letter at face value and qualify him under Autism for his IEP.  My concern is that he will need this qualification to get the Autism Scholarship to cover the new school if he gets in, but the school psychologist says that is not the case.  That I just need to call the district office and they will help me through the steps in getting the scholarship.  Still, I'm going to be making some phone calls today to confirm this.

In addition to being stressed and in a meeting most of yesterday evening, this morning I am taking Jason over to visit the new school.  We are still very hopeful that this will work out, but don't know anything yet. They mentioned concerns about his language scores and the "underlying cause" of his LD.  We're still hopeful though and appreciate any and all prayers as we work towards this.

Lots and lots and lots of stuff...

We have so much going on right now, my head is spinning.

First, we have been invaded by illness.  Micah and Hannah have strep throat and Andy has tonsillitis, bronchitis and pink-eye.  Jason and I are so far healthy, but I think our days are numbered.  I think I might take my friend Nancy's advice and build us a bubble.

Jason's observation by the new school admissions department went well and they are "interviewing" him on Friday morning.  So far, we have no indication of how things are going, but they do have some concerns about the underlying causes of his LD as well as his language issues.  Still, we're praying that they will at least give him a chance.

Jason's present school situation is continuing to chug along.  We have his new MFE/IEP meeting tomorrow.  He's making great progress on his goals so I don't know what he will still qualify in.  For special education parents, this can be a good and a bad thing.  We don't want to see them lose there assistance, but we also want to see them make progress.  For example, Jason is doing great in math, but it's because of how the math is being taught to him.  Put him in a regular math class and he will fall behind again.  It's a bit of a catch-22.

Jason's also still struggling socially as school.  We've had a few more incidents of bullying behavior and I have a feeling a portion of tomorrow's meeting will be devoted to talking about it.  Honestly, we are doing everything we can to work with Jason on his social skills and he is making progress.  He's in individual and small group therapy as well as participating ins social groups at school.  Yet, the game of frustrating and bating Jason continues.  I've honestly reached the end of my patience, so tomorrow's meeting should be an interesting one.

We also started doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University at church.  It's a great class and we are really learning a lot.  Still, it also means that we have tightened our budget and there are no more Starbucks Fraps in my near future.  On the bright side though is we'll gain financial peace and all this eating in will make me a better cook and healthier person.

Which leads up to our final bit of news...

Andy and I are praying about adopting again.  There is still a long way for us to go on research and prayer, but it's in the open now.  The kids think it's great and Hannah is begging for a baby sister.  Right now, we're thinking it will like be a waiting child from the foster care system.  We have a lot of questions, but know that God can answer them as He has in the past.

Another Possibility for Jason

A few weeks before Christmas, a dear friend shared with me that a local private school for LD kids is now accepting Ohio's Autism Scholarship.  I have been eyeing this school for a while, but it has always been cost prohibitive.  It has an amazing reputation amongst educators and special ed parents in our area.  The scholarship with make him going there a real possibility, so I finally called at Andy and I went for a meeting with their admissions director and toured the school.

All I can say is WOW!  If I were to design a school for my son, THIS would be what I would do.  The classes sizes are small with 2 certified teachers in each class.  Kids are placed by their learning level, not their grade and every single subject is taught from an LD perspective.  Yes, even art and gym.  There are no cavernous desks for him to lose things in and the kids each carry an identical notebook with planner and sections built in.  Each section of the planner is signed by each teacher, the student and the parent each day.  It was just awesome.

That said, we are now at the hard part.  We have completed the application, sent the release forms on to his doctors and school and are waiting to see what they say.  Because it is a private school, they are very selective about who gets in.  They can't help every student are are looking for kids with average to above average intelligence who struggle because of their LD.  The don't accept kids with behavior issues that don't stem from the LD itself and even though they take kids with an Autism diagnosis, they were quick to say they are not a school for Autism.  They accept kids who are very mild on the spectrum who can function in a classroom with peers.  They look at each child as a whole person and will even interview him and give him a full day "tryout" to make sure it is a good fit.   Even Jason's current teacher and principal think this is a good thing.  They have been super cooperative in making sure the records are sent and are offering to be of any help they can be.

All that said, we really want him to get in.  We think, based on the numerous assessments that Jason has had, that he fits what they are looking for, but we don't know for sure.  Obviously, if it's not a good fit and they can't help him, then it's not the place for him. 

The problem is that we have hit a wall with public school.  Jason's peers are just frankly mean to him and although we love the staff and teachers at his current school, I could do without the majority of the students there.  I would homeschool again if Jason would agree to.  But, honestly, I don't think I could teach him because I just don't understand his LD and it would probably be very frustrating for both of us.    Moving him to another school in the district s always a possibility, but kids are cruel everywhere and until Jason figures out the social game, then I can't see that working either.

So right now, our hope is pinned on this new school.  At this point, we are waiting to see if he looks like what they want on paper, then we move forward to the interview stage.  We have no idea how this will turn out, but we are praying hard it works out and Jason can have a fresh start at a school where he is the normal rather than the exception.

Friday's Random Bits of Nothing

It's been a long week.  A very long week.  Lots happening and lots to do.  Gotta love the holidays.
__________

We finally heard from the neurologist and Micah has an appointment...in April.  Yep.  You read that right.  April.  The day before he turns 4 in fact.  Meanwhile, he's still doing whatever it is that he is doing although, seemingly, not as often.  (or I could be having a kind of week where I'm too busy to notice.)

On a positive note, we aren't seeing near the effects of his horrible food issues.  He doesn't eat enough protein throughout the day and therefore has many highs and lows from his body processing the veggies, fruit and carbs he does eat.  So, we started giving him some Boost Kid Essentials over the course of a day to keep him more level.  He calls it his "chocolate milk."  Dinner is no longer a battle and he is actually picking up some of the foods he dropped earlier this fall.
__________

Hannah's teacher started her in a reading group.  She's now bringing home high frequency readers and learning sight words along with the phonics I as teaching her at home.  It was a big boost for her to hear from her little kindergarten friend, Margo, that she is bring home the same books each week as well.
__________

Jason is continuing on his downward spiral.  We believe it is simply a culmination of life in general, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.  It's hard to parent him effectively when he's being so darn oppositional and dishonest.

Intellectually, I know that these are left over and learned behaviors from those attached-challenged days and the only way to turn this around is for him to have enough, purge all those emotions he is building up inside of him and start making better choices.  And it doesn't help that he's feeling BAD about himself for doing all of this and bottling all that up as well.  I can consequence and talk and limit until I'm blue in the face, but he has to make the change here.  This can take as long as a week (which we're well past now) of over a month (looking that way).
__________

Today is my 10th wedding anniversary and if I can get my scanner hooked up, I'll post some pictures of the blessed event.

Although we celebrated last weekend, it's still a special day.  When I was at Target buying Micah's "chocolate milk," I picked up a bottle of wine and a card.  We'll have about a glass a piece while I fold laundry and he fiddles around with his guitar before becoming so tired we can't do anything but fall asleep.  Romance is overrated for parents.  Sleep is the in thing.
__________

The Unknown

It's been a rough day.  School conferences for Micah revealed he is "spacing out" during school.  It's happening often enough that the 2 teachers and OT felt it was an issue and even spoke to the school nurse about it.  It could be related to his Sensory Processing Disorder, but it doesn't seem to fit.  Also, when 2 special education preschool teachers and an occupational therapist bring up an issue like that and can't offer an explanation or solution, it's something to be concerned about.  Thinking back over the past couple months, Andy and I can both think of times he has done it here as well.

I spoke with a few people today and it's possible Micah is experiencing Absence Seizures.  Our doctor is concerned enough that she has ordered an EEG to tomorrow afternoon and we will meet with her next week to consult about the findings and look at other possible causes.  Still, it's the not knowing that is weighing on us.

Tonight and tomorrow will be hard.  I have to sleep deprive him and then pretty much exhaust him before the test tomorrow at 1pm.  Then I have to convince the boy who hates to have stuff on his head, let them put electrodes on.  And then the boy who doesn't even sleep in the car, has to fall asleep in a strange while connected to machines and listening to weird noises.  I'm not sure how it will go, but I am seriously praying that we get clear results on way of the other.

Psalm 46

 ¹ God is our refuge and strength,
       an ever-present help in trouble. 
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
       and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
 ³ though its waters roar and foam
       and the mountains quake with their surging.
 ⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
       the holy place where the Most High dwells.
 ⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
       God will help her at break of day.
 ⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
       he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
 ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.
 ⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
       the desolations he has brought on the earth.
 ⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
       he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
       he burns the shields ^[b] with fire.
 ¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
       I will be exalted among the nations,
       I will be exalted in the earth."
 ¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.
  

The Outcome

I spent much of yesterday morning pacing our upstairs and waiting for the phone to ring.  I made my initial call to the school as soon as I return home from my school drop off rounds around 8:20.  I spent much of my morning researching the districts policy on "threatening acts" and "bullying" and ignoring the other things I needed to do like clean the kitchen and set stuff out for dinner.  I was an nervous ball of energy.  Even though I have a great repore with our principal, I was still nervous about talking to her.  I wanted to be sure I sounded like a reasonable mom and not a screaming banshee.

At 10:30 I realized I had to run out and get Micah, meaning I ran the risk missing her call.  Missing her initial call could mean another 2 hours of waiting or me having to show up at her office.  Neither of which would have worked for me, so I called again to give them my cell number.  Low and behold, she was getting ready to call me and we finally connected.

I've said before that I love our school's principal, and I really mean that.  She is one of the few adults outside of our close circle of family to really try and understand Jason and what makes him tick.  She stood by us when his brother was removed and people believed that we picked the cute, younger one over the older troubled one.  She has advocated for us at the district level to enact changes in Jason's IEP that we had previously been told weren't possible.  She loves her kids and her school and really wants to partner with parents.  She's awesome.

She was also very upset when she heard what had happened.  We had discussed this as a possibility and a fear of Jason's the previous morning and at the time she felt horrible that he should even have to have that fear.  The reality of it happening even worse.  

We talked for about a half an hour about that situation and the child in question.  We also discussed Jason's social woes and how I was pretty much fed up with how kids treat him.  She was open to my ideas about handling bullying (which I must say have calmed down from the night before to things less severe than public stonings).  We also discussed some information I found that another local school was doing to counter-act bullying and that it was a program she could implement in our school.  I also forwarded her information my friend, Amie, sent me about a bully prevention in-service program a local psychologist runs.  Amie's school did it and she said it made a huge impact on her school community. She ended the call with a plan for dealing with today's incident and a better understanding of what life at the school is like for my son.  

After school, Jason's first words to me were that the girl was punished and had to apologize.  He said he felt better and now knows that he can ALWAYS talk to the teacher and principal about situations like this.  I don't think this will stop it, but I feel that at least Jason feels a little safer and a plan is in place to deal with future incidents.

And This is Funny?

Apparently, today a girl in Jason's class decided to try and step on his foot, teasing him while she did.  Making Jason freak out while she laughed.  WHAT?!?!

He did tell the teacher, who advised the girl to stop or there will be further consequences, but this is just another in a long line of situations Jason deals with.  It's bad enough that he has to focus on not hitting the unprotected toe on something, but to have to be worried that some kid will get their jollies doing it intentionally is ridiculous.

I emailed the principal and am calling the morning.

Big, bad mama is steamed!

Survival Kit

In the fourth grade, they study weather.  Jason has been at this since the start of the year and is finding it immensely fascinating.  They have moved on from basic weather and cloud types to extreme weather.  Stuff like lightening, storms, hurricanes and tornados.  We spent a whole evening talking about lightening strikes and what to do if you are caught out in lightening.  My advice was to come inside.

What's the point of all this?

Tonight's homework is to write a 10 item list for a survival kit.  I helped him brainstorm a couple, but the majority of the ideas were his.  

Jason's List

1- food (anyone who knows Jason know this would be the first thing on his list)

2 - flashlight and batteries

3 - radio

4 - water

5 - clothes

6 - blankets

7 - dry matches

8 - poncho

9 - first aid kit (started out as a bandaid, but we reasoned we night need a little more)

10 - Bible

It was the last one that killed me.  He just yelled out "Oh! I know!  A bible!"  

I think that some of this is sinking in. 

Not What We Expected

I'm back from the meeting.  It was good, but turned out differently than we thought.

The meeting went fairly well.   I started by talking about what we started this process and the events that led our principal to arrange for me to visit the classroom.  I spoke about the classroom and how it appeared to be exactly what I would want in a class for Jason.  Then his teacher and intervention specialist each spoke about the progress he is making and concerns they have.  As it turns out, things are settling down for him a bit.  He's maintaining very well in Science and Social Studies and he has been making progress in reading.  Math, spelling and writing continue to be his weakest areas.

Finally, Mrs. Fox, our principal, asked the teacher of the learning center how she felt Jason would fit in her class academically.  She had concerns because transitions are difficult for Jason and her students still have them. Then she noted that Jason is very advanced compared to her students in language arts.  Basically, Jason is working at a second grade level and her students at a kindergarten level.  She was concerned that with the disparity in Jason's learning and her students that it would not be a good fit.

This would be where I cried.

Mrs. Fox asked me what I thought and it was so very apparent at this point that the option I thought was perfect, wasn't.  I didn't sob, but I did choke up and get teary while explaining that I agreed that the learning center wasn't likely the best place for him, but I knew he needed more and had maxed out on his intervention minutes.  Jason's a unique kid as far as special education.  I was concerned because while I understood the learning center was not a good fit, I didn't like that he spent time in the class lost, confused and not really doing anything.

Then Mrs. Fox noted that she spoke with the Director of Special Education about Jason.  She wanted to explore all options before the meeting today.  Apparently, the 90 minutes is more of a guideline instead of a rule to prevent schools from creating learning centers instead of using those already  in district.  Basically, we can give Jason more time with intervention and make things work where we are.

Basically, we looked through Jason's entire day and noted times when he was in the class and the class was doing something he wasn't  We added 15 minutes of time to his math goals and he'll be taking part in a reading program for intervention level kids called Project M.O.R.E. for about 30 minutes a day.  This may take a few weeks to get everyone trained and schedule, so in the meantime he will stay with his intervention specialist for an extra 15 minutes doing independent work before returning to the class to  work on his keyboarding until lunch.

The only other time he is lost in class is during the reading aloud time and that is because he has his speech and occupational therapy interventions then.  We came up with a plan that we would read the book his teacher is reading in class at night before bed.  This was he would still hear the story and know the characters so he could join in the discussion despite missing parts of the time for his therapies.

Socially, Jason still struggles, but he in involved in a couple of lunchtime social groups.  Also, I know the staff at the school are aware of his challenges in this area and keep a close eye on him during lunch and recess.  I'm trying to make things happen on my end with that and Mrs. Fox is looking into a buddy for him from the 6th grade.

In all it was a very positive meeting.  Not having the massive transition will be a good thing and if we can make things work, I think Jason will be happier.  Also, I love his team and that he has people there who KNOW him so well and want whats best for him.

Big Meeting

I am having a big IEP meeting at the school this afternoon, and I am freaking out.

I can sit here and KNOW that what I am asking for is reasonable and appropriate, but I have this lingering fear that I have a fight on my hands.

In truth, the only fight our school has ever given me was when Jason was 5 and leaving preschool for kindergarten.  They denied his IEP at the time because he had met his goals and showed no indication that he needed on.  However, two years later when they qualified him again at the end of first grade the school psychologist admitted it was a mistake based on history.  In those 2 years though I learned a LOT about my son, how he learns and my rights as a parent in public schools.  I wasn't as easily pushed aside, and honestly, by that time, it was obvious that something was wrong.

Still, I asking for a Change of Placement this time.  I eluded in an earlier post that had visited a special needs classroom in another elementary and was very encouraged.  After talking it over with Andy and exchanging e-mails with his intervention specialist and principal, we decided that this classroom would be very beneficial for Jason.  It is set up almost exactly like a classroom I would design for him if I could.  and I loved the teacher.  I also think the his intervention specialist and principal agree with me.  But they are only part of the team, thus the fear.

Should this happen (which we are very hopeful it will), Jason will likely start next Monday.  He'll go from being driven to school every day, to taking a bus. (It's not far, just a couple miles away.)  The building is an older design so the lay out is different.  Obviously, it will be all new kids and teachers.  But we'll have a nearly all new team with the exception of the school psychologist.  I LOVE our current school and the team we work with now.  We've had a few bumps along the way, but we all come to the table understand who, at the heart, Jason is and we work in his best interest.  Talking with other parents, this is not always the case.

This will likely be a rough meeting for me and a rough transition for Jason.  Andy usually goes to the big meetings with me, but instead is taking Jason to a therapist appointment.  We didn't want to miss it so they could talk about the coming changes and how to help Jason through them.

The positives certainly out weigh the negatives here and I have a good case for getting it.  I just worry.

I'll post again later and let everyone know how it went.

The Lingering Past

Sometimes, it takes writing something down to really see it for what it is.  Maybe I should start typing out each art of my kids day to give my brain time to analyze their little though processes.

Anyway, this morning I was emailing a list serve I belong to about Jason's current school troubles.  I am looking for advice specific to special education classrooms and was detailing our recent troubles.

Then it hit me.

Yesterday, before the whole freak out on the playground incident, a boy choked my son.

Choking is a serious thing, but no one saw it.  This older boy is skilled in making sure he isn't caught at school and attacking Jason off school grounds.  Obviously, we've had issues before.

But yesterday's choking incident would have triggered a reaction in my son that was started years before he even met me.  And the subsequent physical, psychological and chemical reaction would have made it very difficult for him to control his actions.  Had I been in the immediate vicinity, he would have likely launched into my arms and cried.  He couldn't do that at school, so he tried, ineffectively, to tell his teacher.  He can't properly explain things when calm, much less when feeling like a deer-in-the-headlights.  When he didn't get a response he understood, he reacted in violence and anger.  (See here if you want to learn more about the lasting effects of trauma.)

Acceptable...no. 

Understandable...maybe.

Once home and safe, he broke down.  Lots of tears and remorse.  And while I didn't understand what happened, I felt overwhelmingly drained by it all and not sure how to respond.  He pulled himself together and finished his homework, got himself ready for bed and did things that on normal days are a challenge for him.

Hopefully today I will hear from the school and we can get things changed.  Hang in there Buddy.

The Black Hole

Sometimes I feel like the more I do for my son, then more he sucks out of me.

It's been a bad day.

Or should I say a bad week.

Oh heck, it's been just a bad start to the year.

I really thought we were getting somewhere with moving his testing up, adjusting his interventions and now finding out that he is on the Autism Spectrum which should, in theory, open more doors for him.

I had high hopes that he could hold it together.

I was wrong.

The reports I am getting now are really not good.  He's becoming violent and disrespectful.  Today at recess he spit on one kid and choked and punched another.  In gym class yesterday, he totally disregarded the rules and was extremely disrespectful to his teacher. Ay ya ya!

Now, as his mom, I KNOW this isn't who my kid is.  But this is who he becomes when his stress levels are so high.  Last year he punched a kid in the hall but once we changed his placement and got him in the right classroom, everything stopped and he did great

My big worry is that if he keeps this up, he will be placed in a classroom for emotionally and behaviorally disturbed kids.  Though if he can't control himself at school, maybe he belongs there.

I just don't know what to do right now.  The school hasn't gotten back to me yet about anything I have shared with them in the last 5 days, from the bullying, to the stealing to the Autism Diagnosis. I feel like I'm waiting and watching the world implode around my son.

God, give me strength.

What's up with Jason?

I haven't said much about Jason and the start of the 4th grade since last month. Not because nothing is happening, but because so much is.

4th grade became too much to handle exactly 3 days in. He let me know this by taking a pair of scissors to his jeans and cutting a gash in them and his leg. Praise GOD this was the same day as a therapist appointment. Mrs. Donna was meeting Jason for the first time that afternoon. Talk about jumping into the deep end. Thankfully, we had already met and she just dove right in. We left with a better understanding of why he did this as well as some strategies to avoid it. Oh, and he no longer gets to keep scissors in his desk at school.

This incident prompted me to call for an IEP review, which, thankfully, our school scheduled within a week. Jason is now getting direct instruction at maximum levels for all the core subjects and his homeroom teacher is modifying his tests and in class work to be very oral and low key for him. You just can't expect a kid with all his issues to handle following a lecture and take notes. By the time he would finish writing some thing down, his teacher was 3 points ahead of him. Now he's provided with the notes preprinted for him to read along with and highlight as well as illustrations on the topic. They are also doing his evaluation now instead of in the spring when it is due. Jason can't spend anymore time outside of class than he is and we may be looking at part-time in a self-contained classroom.

Oh, and to top it all, at Jason's psychiatrist appointment last week, he was diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder. At this point, he is diagnosed with the classification of PDD-NOS, but they are considering Asperger's as well.

All in all, it's been a lot to take in. I'll keep updating as I get the chance.

First Day of Fourth Grade

I just dropped Jason off. He's a fourth grader now. At least that's what they tell me. My special little boy with the book like IEP and more time spent out of the classroom than in is in the fourth grade. I've spent the past week conferencing with teachers, the guidance counselor and his new therapist discussing my son, his struggles and how we will handle this new year. This will be a hard year for him.

We learned last year that despite our best efforts, Jason won't 'catch-up' with his peers. His issues are deeper than more complex than we had thought and the damage much more lasting. As he continues to grow, he will fall further and further behind his peers. We see this more and more everyday. In essence, as I have said so many times this week, Jason is a 6yo trapped in a 10yos body.

Yesterday was "Meet the Teacher" day and Jason walked excitedly through the building telling everyone about his new backpack. Contrary to the thoughts of the kids and parents he talked to, he wasn't bragging. He was excited. Just like he was about his Star Wars backpack in Kindergarten and his Army back pack in 2nd grade. He was simply sharing his joy with others. Much like a kindergartener, he still hugs his teachers, talks to everyone he knows and wants to be friends with everyone.

My view of the day was different. The 2 other boys we had our conference with were polite, but cold. He's known them since Kindergarten. He was blatantly ignored by several students and I was glanced upon with disdain by some of the parents. I overheard one kids tell his mom, "That's Jason. He's a space cadet." Jason didn't hear this, he was too busy talking about the bird he had just seen.

This type of thing isn't reserved for school either. We've seen school mates at the store and such over the summer and Jason is ignored, even while their parents are standing there. Something I would never permit my kids to do, yet it happens to my son all the time. We have 2 neighbors who are in Jason's grade and neither boy can be bothered with Jason. One boy will, on occassion, but only because his parents are friends with us and won't permit it. Yet, every summer, Jason will ring their bells and ask them to play. And every summer he is ignored or bullied or told to simply leave. This year I finally had to forbid him from playing at that end of the street as now their little brothers of these boys are doing this.

So today I woke my son up, prayed with him and sent him to school. A school where I know the staff understands him and will do all they can for him. A school that is championing for him in all the areas they can. But also a school where he has no friends, no one to eat lunch with and will likely be treated on the playground like some sort of social pariah. A school where he will spend the first 7 days lost in class as they set up the schedule for his interventions. A school he hopefully won't come home from in tears.

Andy and I are looking at options and praying about how to move forward with Jason's education. The academic demands of fourth grade are going to be a lot for my little man to handle. Homeschooling is not a good match for him as he is too oppositional. We are praying for his safety, guidance and for a clear path from here. Our options are getting limited unless we get a different diagnosis. Ready or not, he's off to school.

Hannah

How do I start to describe Hannah?

Just like Jason and Micah are all boy, Hannah is all girl. Pink and princessy is all she desires. The frillier the better. Her room is pink. She picks out pink clothes. Even her bike is pink.

I know, I know. This is the trend in girl stuff, but I was never this way. I was a tom-boy, through and through. My daughter wants her nails done and her ears pierced. It hard for me to fathom sometimes...it's almost like raising a child from another planet.

But enough about me and back to Hannah.

I think the thing that strikes me the most about Hannah is her heart. She's very smart and very determined, but her heart is what makes her stand out.

She's the only "typical" child in our family. Surrounded by her brother's special needs, their therapies and appointments, it would be so easy for her to become bitter over time lost with mom and dad.

She isn't though. Not at all.

In fact, she gets mad at us if she feels we are too hard or not understanding enough. She's a peer model in our district special needs preschool this year and has become a leader in the classroom. She has real empathy for her other classmates and the therapists love to work with her along with the other kids. She loves school and even tells us she has homework. Just so she can keep learning more.

Hannah is patient enough to take her time when it comes. We do try very hard to make special time for each of our kids, but during the everyday stuff, the independent, self-sufficient child often gets lost in the shuffle. So, Hannah helps me make dinner, set the table and clean the kitchen. She sits and chats with me when I fold clothes or pick up toys or even try to take a bath. She'll chat with Andy when he works on the motorcycle or the computer or the car. It doesn't matter what we do, as long as she is with us.

She is just this awesome little girl and I can't wait to see what is in store for her next.