Sometimes, it takes writing something down to really see it for what it is. Maybe I should start typing out each art of my kids day to give my brain time to analyze their little though processes.
Anyway, this morning I was emailing a list serve I belong to about Jason's current school troubles. I am looking for advice specific to special education classrooms and was detailing our recent troubles.
Then it hit me.
Yesterday, before the whole freak out on the playground incident, a boy choked my son.
Choking is a serious thing, but no one saw it. This older boy is skilled in making sure he isn't caught at school and attacking Jason off school grounds. Obviously, we've had issues before.
But yesterday's choking incident would have triggered a reaction in my son that was started years before he even met me. And the subsequent physical, psychological and chemical reaction would have made it very difficult for him to control his actions. Had I been in the immediate vicinity, he would have likely launched into my arms and cried. He couldn't do that at school, so he tried, ineffectively, to tell his teacher. He can't properly explain things when calm, much less when feeling like a deer-in-the-headlights. When he didn't get a response he understood, he reacted in violence and anger. (See here if you want to learn more about the lasting effects of trauma.)
Once home and safe, he broke down. Lots of tears and remorse. And while I didn't understand what happened, I felt overwhelmingly drained by it all and not sure how to respond. He pulled himself together and finished his homework, got himself ready for bed and did things that on normal days are a challenge for him.
Hopefully today I will hear from the school and we can get things changed. Hang in there Buddy.