One in a Million

We started out Monday morning bible study today with Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million study.  So far, I am loving it.  I'm excited to be in the word and talk about those things put the paths of us believer's as we journey for a more real faith and relationship with God.  I'm also excited about the fellowship with my friends.  Oh, and the wonderful childcare is pretty good too.  It's going to be a good year.

The Lingering Past

Sometimes, it takes writing something down to really see it for what it is.  Maybe I should start typing out each art of my kids day to give my brain time to analyze their little though processes.

Anyway, this morning I was emailing a list serve I belong to about Jason's current school troubles.  I am looking for advice specific to special education classrooms and was detailing our recent troubles.

Then it hit me.

Yesterday, before the whole freak out on the playground incident, a boy choked my son.

Choking is a serious thing, but no one saw it.  This older boy is skilled in making sure he isn't caught at school and attacking Jason off school grounds.  Obviously, we've had issues before.

But yesterday's choking incident would have triggered a reaction in my son that was started years before he even met me.  And the subsequent physical, psychological and chemical reaction would have made it very difficult for him to control his actions.  Had I been in the immediate vicinity, he would have likely launched into my arms and cried.  He couldn't do that at school, so he tried, ineffectively, to tell his teacher.  He can't properly explain things when calm, much less when feeling like a deer-in-the-headlights.  When he didn't get a response he understood, he reacted in violence and anger.  (See here if you want to learn more about the lasting effects of trauma.)

Acceptable...no. 

Understandable...maybe.

Once home and safe, he broke down.  Lots of tears and remorse.  And while I didn't understand what happened, I felt overwhelmingly drained by it all and not sure how to respond.  He pulled himself together and finished his homework, got himself ready for bed and did things that on normal days are a challenge for him.

Hopefully today I will hear from the school and we can get things changed.  Hang in there Buddy.

The Black Hole

Sometimes I feel like the more I do for my son, then more he sucks out of me.

It's been a bad day.

Or should I say a bad week.

Oh heck, it's been just a bad start to the year.

I really thought we were getting somewhere with moving his testing up, adjusting his interventions and now finding out that he is on the Autism Spectrum which should, in theory, open more doors for him.

I had high hopes that he could hold it together.

I was wrong.

The reports I am getting now are really not good.  He's becoming violent and disrespectful.  Today at recess he spit on one kid and choked and punched another.  In gym class yesterday, he totally disregarded the rules and was extremely disrespectful to his teacher. Ay ya ya!

Now, as his mom, I KNOW this isn't who my kid is.  But this is who he becomes when his stress levels are so high.  Last year he punched a kid in the hall but once we changed his placement and got him in the right classroom, everything stopped and he did great

My big worry is that if he keeps this up, he will be placed in a classroom for emotionally and behaviorally disturbed kids.  Though if he can't control himself at school, maybe he belongs there.

I just don't know what to do right now.  The school hasn't gotten back to me yet about anything I have shared with them in the last 5 days, from the bullying, to the stealing to the Autism Diagnosis. I feel like I'm waiting and watching the world implode around my son.

God, give me strength.

Some things are really hard

Yesterday, while doing laundry, a Canadian dollar bill fell out of Jason's pants. It didn't take long to figure out that this wasn't ours nor had it been given to him. At first he said he found it. Then he said someone gave it to him. Then he said he took it from a teacher's desk. A quick email disproved that one and after talking to his homeroom teacher, I ended up having to turn it over to the principal.

Mrs. Fox is fair and kind and hopefully she will be able to get the truth from him where I have failed to.

Still, I had to turn my own son in.

And that really hurt.

A lot.

I know it's better to deal with this now than when he's older, but it still makes me feel like dirt to be the one who did it.

What's up with Jason?

I haven't said much about Jason and the start of the 4th grade since last month. Not because nothing is happening, but because so much is.

4th grade became too much to handle exactly 3 days in. He let me know this by taking a pair of scissors to his jeans and cutting a gash in them and his leg. Praise GOD this was the same day as a therapist appointment. Mrs. Donna was meeting Jason for the first time that afternoon. Talk about jumping into the deep end. Thankfully, we had already met and she just dove right in. We left with a better understanding of why he did this as well as some strategies to avoid it. Oh, and he no longer gets to keep scissors in his desk at school.

This incident prompted me to call for an IEP review, which, thankfully, our school scheduled within a week. Jason is now getting direct instruction at maximum levels for all the core subjects and his homeroom teacher is modifying his tests and in class work to be very oral and low key for him. You just can't expect a kid with all his issues to handle following a lecture and take notes. By the time he would finish writing some thing down, his teacher was 3 points ahead of him. Now he's provided with the notes preprinted for him to read along with and highlight as well as illustrations on the topic. They are also doing his evaluation now instead of in the spring when it is due. Jason can't spend anymore time outside of class than he is and we may be looking at part-time in a self-contained classroom.

Oh, and to top it all, at Jason's psychiatrist appointment last week, he was diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder. At this point, he is diagnosed with the classification of PDD-NOS, but they are considering Asperger's as well.

All in all, it's been a lot to take in. I'll keep updating as I get the chance.

Soccer, Hannah style....

Hannah played her first EVER soccer game this morning. To be honest, I didn't set my hopes too high. My princess is just that...a princess. I thought she would spend the practice/game picking flowers and looking at the cloud shapes. Heck, it's how she has spent countless of Jason's baseball and soccer games.

However, I was WRONG! My baby girl went out there and kicked some serious soccer butt. Well, okay. Maybe not. But for a first time player in a preschool league, she did AWESOME! She was aggressive, stayed with the ball and tried very, very hard to score. What a great morning!

Happy Birthday Hannah!

My baby girl turns 5 today! I can't believe it's been that long. Here's a look back. I tried to choose pictures I haven't used before. These are some rarely seen shots of the Boog.